Anxiety - Friend or Foe?
Many of the clients that I see for weekly therapy initially sought me out because they were experiencing high levels of anxiety or fear on a regular basis, despite the external circumstances of their life feeling relatively safe and satisfactory. I commonly hear some say, “I just want my anxiety to go away!” or “I hate that I am like this, why can’t I just be chill?”
Anxiety can be similar to a smoke detector - it is there as a tool to keep us safe in moments of threat or danger. If I am walking in the city alone, late at night it is actually in my best interest for some anxiety to kick in. My anxiety might cause me to be more hyper-vigilant, I will likely be scanning my environment for anything that could be a threat and will be more sensitive to sounds and visual stimuli around me. My anxiety, at this moment, may support me in getting home safely.
In a moment such as this, my internal smoke detector is going off. It is alerting me that I am possibly in danger and to pay attention, now! But our internal alert system for threats can sometimes be skewed by past traumatic experiences. It is like that apartment you lived in with the extra sensitive smoke detector… if you left your toast in the toaster for a second too long, the smoke alarm would start beeping and yelling at you to pay attention. Even when there was no actual threat afoot.
Something that I talk about with many of my clients is the difference between being triggered and being actually unsafe. When we have experienced trauma, knowing the difference between these two experiences can be nuanced and tricky.
In the example of walking alone at night in the city, there is a very possibility that you could be relatively unsafe (of course, this isn’t always true and also may be reflective of where you live and your gender, race, ethnicity, sexuality, etc.). In this case, when you are feeling anxious and on edge, this is you responding to your present moment experience and situation.
But let’s consider someone who was in a car accident a few months back. They are physically okay following the accident, but every time they get into a vehicle… maybe even if they think about getting into a vehicle… they begin to feel their heart rate increase and are flooded with anxiety or fear. Their internal smoke detector is going off in these moments but it is not because they are actually unsafe, they are instead triggered/activated from a past experience.
Trauma can be nuanced and doesn’t always take on the form of something as obvious as a car accident. Trauma can be a result of not having your emotional needs met in childhood, losing a loved one unexpectedly, micro or macro aggressions, and so much more.
If you are someone who experiences high levels or regularly occurring anxiety, I invite you to reflect if your internal smoke alarm is responding to something in the present moment that is actually unsafe or if your smoke detector has become sensitive and goes off due to past trauma. Sometimes bringing awareness to and naming the fact that you are triggered/activated, not actually unsafe can alleviate some of the anxiety at the moment.
Going a step further, you can try implementing some somatic resources for anxiety or work to explore glimmers in order to support yourself through an anxious moment.
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May your days and week be filled with whatever you are most needing,
Ellen