How to Create a Routine That Supports Your Window of Tolerance
Heads up — there’s a new rhythm around here!
Starting this week, I’ll be sending out two posts:
→ Monday’s post (like this one) will now be completely free.
→ Wednesday’s post will be for paid subscribers, with journal prompts + somatic practices to help you take the week’s theme deeper.
Now, onto this week’s reflection…
If you’ve ever tried to stick to a strict morning routine and ended up feeling more stressed than supported, you’re not alone. For many of us, especially those living with trauma, chronic stress, or neurodivergence, routines need to be flexible, not forceful. When we approach routine as a nervous system support rather than a productivity hack, we create rhythms that honor our real needs.
In somatic and trauma-informed therapy, we often talk about the window of tolerance (WOT). This is the zone where your nervous system can function optimally; it’s the space where you're neither hyperaroused (overly anxious, overwhelmed) nor hypoaroused (numb, shut down). When you’re within your window, you're more likely to feel present, connected, and able to cope with whatever’s unfolding in your life.
A well-crafted routine can help you spend more time in that window. But not just any routine. The kind I’m talking about is rooted in attunement, not achievement.
Step One: Identify Anchors
Instead of mapping out every hour of your day, start by identifying a few anchors - simple, grounding actions that help you reset and return to yourself. Think: drinking a glass of water first thing in the morning, stretching before you check your phone, stepping outside at lunch.
Ask yourself:
What helps me feel here?
What actions help me reconnect when I start to spiral or shut down?
Your anchors don’t need to be fancy. They just need to be consistent enough to build a sense of internal safety and rhythm.
Step Two: Build In Regulation
Most of us plan our days around what we have to do - work, appointments, caregiving. What would it be like to intentionally include things your nervous system needs?
This could mean:
A few minutes of orienting or grounding between meetings
A slow, screen-free meal
A regular practice of movement that feels good (not punishing)
Play, pleasure, or quiet time (yes, even in the middle of a busy day)
When your routine includes moments of regulation, it becomes a system of care, not just a to-do list.
Step Three: Plan for Edges
No routine can eliminate stress, but it can help you recognize when you're nearing your edge and support you in responding with care instead of collapsing.
Try reflecting on:
What signs tell me I'm outside my window of tolerance?
What helps me widen that window…or gently return to it?
Maybe it’s a breathing practice, a walk, texting a trusted friend, or wrapping yourself in a blanket and resting. Make those supports visible. Write them down. Add them to your calendar like they matter (because they do!).
Step Four: Honor Rhythms
Your nervous system is cyclical, not linear. Energy, capacity, and emotional resilience will ebb and flow, especially if you're healing from trauma or living with chronic stress.
Instead of punishing yourself when you "fall off" your routine, treat it as a conversation. What is your body asking for today? How can your routine shift to meet you where you are?
Compassionate routines adapt. They leave space for being human.
Creating a routine that supports your window of tolerance is about connection to yourself, your needs, and to your body’s wisdom. When you treat your daily rhythm as an act of nervous system care, everything changes. Not all at once. But gently, with time.
May your days and week be filled with whatever you are most needing,
Ellen